Jedi Snippets small tales of daring and laughter
by Archaeologist
Summary: These are stories larger than 100 words and smaller that full tales. Mostly silly.
1. Bad Karma

**Summary:** Breaking the fourth wall can be fun. So can making Garen and Siri behave badly at a funeral.**  
Disclaimer:** I do not own the Star Wars concept; Lucasfilm does. I am very respectfully borrowing them with no intent to profit. No credits have changed hands. No copyright infringement is intended.

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Obi-Wan Kenobi, Master of Anakin Skywalker, thirty-five, gorgeous, with long ginger hair, bearded and seemingly serene, lies motionless on the pyre. Dead of a blaster bolt to the heart, his friends have gathered around him in honor and grief.

Garen Muln stands by the body, and bows his head. "Oh, Obi-Wan, you damned fool. You should have ignored the girl and watched out for the bounty hunter instead."

Siri Tachi moves up to the mourning Knight, and putting all trepidation aside, pulls him into her comforting embrace. As his arms tighten around her waist in remorse and sadness, she says in a whisper, "Garen, what can we do? He's dead." Her eyes begin to fill with tears. "I'll miss him so much."

His strong arms pull her closer for a brief emotional hug but then he stands back, watching her face as he says, "Siri, I know this isn't the right time but I've always loved you. Now that Kenobi is gone, can you ever thinking about loving me, too?"

The joy in her eyes was amazing and then their bodies clashed in a passionate embrace. Hands groping, lips traveling over skin, tasting, marking territory as if the hunger that swept through them would eat them alive. Behind the two lovers, the pyre began to burn brightly and the smell of burning flesh permeates the room.

Coming up for air, Siri moans, "Garen, I've always loved you. I was just using Obi-Wan to make you jealous. Oh, Garen, kiss me. Love me."

As the flames of passion engulf the two Jedi Knights and the body of Obi-Wan Kenobi collapses into ash, Yoda looks at the writers in disgust. "Kill Obi-Wan you will not or suffer this fate of bad romance you will. Now, off with you and write happy, romantic things. Disgusting this is. Siri! Garen! Stop this you will..."


	2. How Ben got his name

_**How Ben got his name

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**Yoda:** Obi-Wan you are and Obi-Wan you always will be.

**Kenobi:** But Master, shouldn't I use some other name? To hide?

**Yoda:** And Ben Kenobi will fool anyone? Evil are the Sith, not stupid.

**Kenobi:** *mutters* At least no one will make fun of me any more. What kind of name is Obi-Wan Kenobi anyway? Sounds like a Calamari dessert or maybe a rock band. And who was the idiot to give me such a ridiculous name in the first place?

**Yoda:** Idiot, I am not.

**Kenobi:** I should kept my birth name, Engelbert Humperdink. That was a name with character.

**Yoda:** Gave it up you did when the younglings kept calling you Dinky. Want you to be called Dinky once more?

**Kenobi:** *shuddering* No, no, that's quite all right. I bow to your greater wisdom.

**Yoda:** And well you should... Dinky.

**Kenobi:** *mutters to himself* Damn troll.

**Yoda:** Heard that I did.


	3. An Alternative Phantom Menace Ending

_**An Alternate Phantom Menace Ending

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**Jinn: **"Train the boy."

And it went downhill from there.

**Kenobi:** "Yes, Master"

**Jinn:** "Oh and while you're at it, pick up my dry-cleaning."

**Kenobi:** "Yes, Master."

**Jinn:** "And don't forget to feed the razor-backed sarlaac. It needs fresh meat.."

**Kenobi:** "Perhaps the little snot... errr chosen one will do that. After all, he's from Tatooine."

**Jinn:** "I heard that. I'm dying, Obi-Wan, not deaf."

**Kenobi:** "Yes, Master. Sorry, Master. Anything else?"

**Jinn:** "And we are out of blue milk. Pick up a gallon."

**Kenobi:** "Yes, Master. 2% or skim, Master? You've been putting on a little weight lately."

**Jinn:** "Skim. I'm not the one with the paunch, Obi-Wan. And I'm all out of hair gel, you know the one that makes all the ladies swoon."

**Kenobi:** "But Master, you're dying. You won't need swooning ladies after today."

**Jinn:** "True, Obi-Wan, but even though I'll be dead in this reality, there's always AU."

**Kenobi:** "Oh, I think I prefer AU. At least there I won't have to teach the little snot... errr chosen one?"

**Jinn:** "I'm sure you'll do an excellent job. Well, until he turns to the dark side and runs around killing all the Jedi. But that's another story."

**Kenobi:** "I have a better idea. How about you don't die and you get to train him?"

**Jinn:** "Dying is preferable."

**Kenobi:** "How about you heal and we both disappear? I know of a little pleasure planet that has a bevy of beautiful women just waiting for a few Jedi to come along?"

**Jinn:** "And we leave the little snot... chosen one with Yoda! Great plan. Let's get started."


End file.
